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May. 31st, 2015

things are going, i guess.

i've been off my meds for a minute now. things are good. it's difficult sometimes. a lot of the time. thank god for marijuana.

i have a friend who said she hadn't noticed a difference in me since i haven't been on my meds. i guess i just have a good front, because i feel different all the time. sometimes it's bad, but i've also been painting a lot more. they're awful paintings. they were probably always awful, and i just didn't notice until now. but they're something. i love the smell of fresh paint and the smooth feeling of a brush on canvas. i love using spray paint and getting my hands dirty. i love blasting music in an empty house while i work. the finished product has always meant little to me. it just places so much noise and color around my inner dialogue that it's okay to be inside my own head for a while. it feels healthy.

i've had this entry open for, like, forever and have written probably 5 things here and just ended up deleting them.

so, goodnight.

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